Yin Yang

I'm learning a little something while in Korea about complimentary forces. It is customary here for a woman and a man to be different because they are different. For instance, men can cough loudly, spit, and smoke. Women can carry children, wear high heels all over town, and cover their mouths when they laugh. The idea behind this, before any of you start getting all up in arms about women's rights and women's liberation, is that without a woman, a man would not be complete. And vice versa.

There is an astonishing social pressure here to marry before a certain age, to pair up AND to have children. But not just children: a boy and a girl. That way, there is a child to care for the mother and the father. I believe this pressure is fueled by the notion that we are so different yet so intricately tied to one another, that to live without the other is a life not worth living. But I'm not sure that they have it right...


I got to thinking about complimentary pairs and what this all means when we are searching for love. We are increasingly obsessed with finding a mate who makes us "whole", who "completes us" (thanks a lot, Jerry Maguire), who was the missing link for all this time. But where is the equality in that? One has to wonder why we are looking for a missing piece of ourselves...aren't we good enough right now? Why does something have to be lacking in order for us to be paired with someone else?

I see this over and over again with my friends: they honestly believe that without a mate, without a person with whom to share life, they are less of a person themselves. They agree with the Korean philosophy: a life without another is not a life worth living. Come on!

So I want to introduce a new notion: perhaps it's a bit radical, but I think it just makes sense. Suppose we are looking to find someone to compliment us, not complete us. In this way, we are perfect the way that we are (or at least pretty darn good) and we would be just fine on our own. But if there was that one person; that special human; the kindred soul to ours, perhaps we could be enhanced a little.


Is a delicious meal not wonderful on its own? Do we not savour the flavour and proclaim aloud or to ourselves, how lucky we are to have such a fine meal? But then, miraculously, we take a sip of wine and POW! the food wakes up. Ah ha...the feast is complimented, not completed. It was doing JUST FINE without the wine, but it's just so much better with it.


Next time you think about a mate--the wonderful pair to your life and your world--look around for someone to compliment you, not complete you. For you are fabulous on your own. After all, yin and yang is all about the balance of chaos and order. We all bring our own chaos, our own order to each relationship...maybe a little more of one or both would make the mix perfect.

I know I'm still looking.