...or not to baby

Joanna Goddard attached this hugely popular article about not having kids on her Cup of Jo blog the other day.  She attached a New York Times article about how the decision can be marred influenced (I'm not being glib, just trying to find the right word) by thoughts of finances, written by Nadia Taha.  

My favourite part of the article read, 

"Deciding whether to have children is so difficult because it requires evaluating benefits you simply cannot know or understand unless you experience them firsthand."

It seems quite simple, but is poignant: I can't possibly know if kids are for me until I have one.  And if I were (I were...see?  That's when it's appropriate) to have one, because I'm a woman with a heart (a big one at that...I have mega feelings), I would adore that child because...well, because I just would.

It's a sensitive subject, children.  

And though I love these munchkins more than I ever thought I could love children, I'm not quite convinced I'm ready, or will ever be ready, in all honesty, to have any of my own.  

It's true that I'm good with children (as good as one can be when you're not a parent, I guess...or a nanny).  My father used to call me the Baby Whisperer.  It's been awhile now since I've been around bebes, so I'm sure the touch has dwindled a little bit, but that loving maternal side certainly does come out when the smell of freshly washed baby wafts by, accompanied by a toothless grin.  Who can resist that?

It's an interesting debate that goes on in my head: to baby or not to baby.  

In a great recap of a past relationship with my mother (the recap was with her, not the relationship), she made it clear that I was making it unclear to men when I said, adamantly, "I don't want kids", because in actuality, there is still a part of me that wants children.  So in saying instead, "I'm open to all possibilities", I'm allowing more opportunities than someone who strictly says that they want or do not want children.  

My friends are divided: some want children; have children; are having children; are not quite sure what they want; are younger than me (hard to imagine, right?) and don't have child-bearing on their radars.  It's tough to compare myself to a social group who is so all over the place.  Thanks, guys ;)

What an interesting conversation to have on a first date.  I was quite flustered when Steven asked me about kids in a round-about way (trying to feel me out, no doubt) the first time we went out.  I was honest (a little flustered, but honest): 

"I'm open to all possibilities."  

I'm still going with that answer.

I'm...get ready for it...31 years old.  The time is nigh: the choice is not one that will biologically be mine for very much longer.  This plays on my mind a little bit.  That said, if it were to happen right now...that might be what I would consider a traumatic miraculous tumultuous life-changing oh f*ck it...it would be an event.  In the interim, I hope I find you open to all possibilities, too.  

xx