A Proper Conversation

I've been under the weather for two days and since Steven's been at work, have been in a very, very quiet place for a full 36 hours.  It's been very nice.  

I'm so tired.  This job is more than I thought it would be and though I can't say I don't enjoy it, it's absolutely exhausting.  Getting up at five is hard, but getting home, perhaps not consequently, but subsequently for certain, at 6 or 7 is just hard.  

I found this and thought, unfortunately, it describes me.  

You’re always in a rush, or else you’re too exhausted 

to have a proper conversation. 

Soon enough, the long hours, the traveling, the 

broken sleep have all crept into your being and 

become part of you, so everyone can see it, in your 

posture, your gaze, the way you move and talk.

Quote was written by Kazuo Ishiguro in Never Let Me Go, 

courtesy of That Kind of Woman

So much so that I plan the weekends on the way into work on a Monday, thinking about the way I can spend Saturday in the city watching the seasons change into a brisk, chilly version of London, or how I have to spend Sunday walking down the isles of the supermarket, falling ever more so out of love with food shopping.  Though it saddens me to wish the days away, the weeks away, the terms away, it is what the prevailing thoughts have become.  

I've finally spent some time listening to Justin Vernor's newest band project, Volcano Choir.  I'm absolutely loving the serenity and quiet of Alaskans.  I just imagine him up in Alaska, quietly observing inhabitants, smoking, wearing a baseball cap, drinking freezing cold beer from a can.  There's something so liberating about a life of making music, isn't there?  Gosh, I wish I could do it. 

Steven and I are hosting Thanksgiving dinner here this weekend.  We got a beautiful new table to seat everyone (the adults anyway) and I'm really excited (even in my headachy state) to put on the first dinner party in what seems a hundred years. Better rest up.