those nights

It must sound like
the strangest thing to say
but tonight I looked 
out into the night --
     god, she looks the same everywhere,
     doesn't she? --
and I felt a longing
for loneliness.

I didn't realize I missed it: 
it's been so long since I've felt it.
But it washed over me
and I came to recognize,
quite quickly,
that I missed that nagging emotion.

The night --
     god, her lights twinkle
     just the same from coast
     coast, don't they? --
she reminds me of days gone by;
of nights like these:
warm, alone,
ripe with anticpation.

She reminds me that the
feeling I used to feel,
that used to radiate 
from the back of my mind to finally 
encapsulate my thoughts,was loneliness.
As if I could forget.

It was so raw, so real.
It used to make me feel so valid;
so honest;
so alive. 

A longing I've missed;
a longing I didn't know
could tease me like this,
came flooding over me.
Because this night --
     god, her dead branches 
     are all from the same country,
     aren't they? --
this night reminded me 
that you have me now,
warm, safe, happy.

And no matter how much she looks
like those nights long ago,
no matter how cold her branches,
and how twinkly her lights,
those nights are over.

Those nights; those nagging thoughts;
those tender heartstrings.

Those nights have turned into these nights:
bath-side, love-filled, hands-held, cuddled-in.
It's about time.

Image courtesy of Bippity Boppity Boo