Awfully fuzzy lines

I'll admit it now...I have a bit of an obsession with Bon Iver and all people associated with Bon Iver (and everyone who has listened to them with me). Hence this Justin Vernon vid. I just can't get enough of the emo music. Is this emo? I'm fairly certain. But what else can you listen to all the time? Nothing. This is so relaxing.

Justin Vernon also sings this little delight...

"When the time comes
and your love is lost on me,
I will grant you sympathy
if you let me down easy...

When the time comes
and you have to let me go
I will leave without a sound
if you let me down easy."

Yup, it's sad. But lord, we do all need a bit of sympathy sometimes, don't we?


As usual, I digress...

Well, well, well.

I've slacked off in the blogging department, but then I can't stand it when people say they've done that. I got a little freaked out when I viewed my "Stats" (you can't see them unless you sign in as me) and there are viewers (readers?) from Australia. Who is in Australia? Give me a holler, because I'm perplexed.

Anyway, when it happens that I realize I have an audience, I get a little weirded out. Sort of reminds me that this is public domain and it takes me a little while to get my confidence back to say whatever my little heart desires.

Onwards and upwards, I suppose.

Spring is exhausting me. My Year 11 students are in the ultimate pressure cooker right now: they have final exams and they're ALL freaking out. And for good reason (I hope they're reading this): these are the last exams they'll EVER write and they should be concerned, frankly. Wasn't I? Yes, is the answer to that question. I was freaked out: head down, pencils sharp, lucky nickel out. Get 'er done. However, because of the overwhelming pressure, we're doing some additional revision with them. Saturdays (not for me this week, thankfully), after school, and during the school day when we're off. It's all quite a lot of them, but here's hoping they excel and we can breathe again come June 10.

I've been all around Kent lately. I was back at Rowhill Grange on Friday night, discussing instrumental changes in the school. How privileged did I feel to be a part of THAT? Pretty privileged, my friends. Though I ensured I was asleep in the miraculously soft bed by about 11, we worked right up to that point. Come breakfast, we did it all again (and continued well into the afternoon). Good thing I squeezed in a run before it all began.

On Saturday, we headed to a party for a little celebrating, before I was out to the water for a little date. We were all in bed before the sun went down last night though...for some reason (damn exams), spring is tuckering us all out. After marking one test, I'm going to call it a night again tonight (it's still before 9). Thought I'd share a little something first though.



People pass through our lives, don't they? They swoop in, hunker down, stay awhile, and often times move on. It's devastating sometimes (most of the time?) and totally non-affecting other times. I find it really amazing that you can share the seemingly same part of yourself with others but when it's over, one person flits out without so much as a blip in your routine, while another one lingers for what feels like an eternity. Isn't it odd?

I guess the key is that it wasn't the same part of me that I was sharing. I guess the key is that when those Big Ones leave, they take a piece of you away with them. They've keep a little piece of me somewhere in their hearts, in their minds, just like I've kept little pieces of all of them (you) along the way. I really do try to write all the time, but most of the time I keep the words private. Sometimes though, like now, it's worthwhile to just get it out. What's inside sometimes needs to get out. I can't ever forget that this is an account of a journey and at times I think it's nearly done, while at others it's only just begun. Not sure where on that spectrum I sit today, but I'm here, that much I know.

I move on and I move on
the pain in my chest is gone
and the feeling of feeling
like I'm the only one
who can take care of you
the only one
who knows you
...leaves me more each day.

And then Bob Dylan
or Neil Young
or Neil Diamond
or Feist
sings...
and I melt back.

I fade into my chair,
colours blur
lines get awfully fuzzy.
And the beat of my heart
feels awfully strong;
the sting in the back of my eyes
burns.
I blink fast
because it works...

Maybe it's a pain I need
because I keep you around
only some of the time
when I need to disengage
from the rest of it here.

And up you bubble
onto my surface,
warmer than before,
softer than you used to,
gentler and sweeter.
You don't hurt
like you used to hurt.
But still,
there is a twinge
(no one likes a twinge)
that does two things.
The twinge reminds me
I was loved
I loved
so these miracles
will happen again.
And it keeps you here.
Where I can't help but think
you belong.