The Joy of Living

Shockingly, after months of having read this book, I'm finally letting you all know about it.  I know it's a bit over the top, but it affected me in a very positive way.  For instance, you may know that I work with very challenging youth at school.  This helped me see their outbursts as inner struggles; as part of their journey that they don't have the skill set to fully  comprehend.  Anyway, this is a little about what I picked up…

First, the book describes meditation practice for all so that you too can meditate (I was pretty sure I couldn't), can relax, can connect with your own thoughts.  I have been practicing guided relaxation for years now (you know, where someone on a tape or, nowadays, on my iPhone, tells me exactly what to think about, what to concentrate on, how to breathe.  By the end of it, I'm usually asleep.  I love it), but rarely do I practice on my own.  I tend to let outside noises affect me and thoughts race, so I think I'm not doing it right.  Enter The Joy of Living, which changed how I saw it all.  

The book outlines various ways to meditate (I always thought there was just one…the one I couldn't do): concentrate on a sound, on an object, on breathing, on chanting…just pick something (anything!  Imagine the freedom!) that works for YOU, and go with it.  It's not about emptying one's mind: it's about accepting what is in one's mind and allowing thoughts to slow for a short while to give you a break and let you see your own true self.  I thought it was brilliant.  Here is one of my favourite metaphors:

"The simplest way to clear water obscured by mud and other sediments is to allow the water to grow still."

In a separate part of the book, there is a discussion about the universe and the role we all have to play in it.  What struck me as very mind-changing for me was the notion that we are not IN the universe, we are PART of the universe.  This is an Eckhart Tolle quote from A New Earth that magnificently sums it up:  

“You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle.”

Amazingly, every single person is on his or her own journey through this life and we collide with one another along the way in positive and negative ways.  Regardless of your path, someone else has his or her own path that he or she is living at the same time, perhaps in a  completely different, conflicting way.  Ah-ha!  So when the kids are horrible to me, I think to myself (and Steven will think I'm nuts for this…says I'm constantly making excuses for their abhorrent behaviour, but I know this holds truth): they are children and they are (perhaps understandably) blind to the fact that I'm going through things too, living my life, on my journey.  They are simply living their journey, unaware of what is going on around them, unaware, ignorant about how their reaction to their situation is affecting those around them.  And I doubt very much that many of them will ever know fully the afflictions of others, but gosh, the fact that I know, that I can separate myself in that moment from it all and see myself in their universe, as part of their universe, making some difference in their lives (albeit a horrible influence, I'm sure, if you ask them!), gives me an amazing power over my own reactions.  Here is a mantra that started to make this all make more sense:

"Just as I want happiness, all beings want happiness.  Just as I wish to avoid suffering, all beings wish to avoid suffering.  I am just one person, while the number of beings is infinite.  The well-being of this infinite number is more important than that of me."

Lastly, the book describes Buddha's Mental Afflictions.  

Buddha believed that unhappiness comes from these three tribulations and only by ridding them from one's life, could one become truly happy:

1.  Ignorance

This is the thought that the self and others are different.  In actuality, we (all living things) are all the same, of the same value, of the same importance.  When someone is ignorant, he chases his tail, does exactly the same things over and over again, somehow thinking things are going to be different. 

2.  Aversion

From my understanding, this is the result of chasing of "feeling good" and avoiding all other emotions that may stand in the way.  Though we all want to feel good all of the time, that feeling is just a feeling: it's not real.  Feelings are transient, fleeting, and fickle.  

If you don't agree, think about a panic attack.  Think about the feelings that come with anxiety and the body's reaction to those emotions.  Though it's debilitating in the moment, my mother argues that anxiety is one of the easiest things to treat.  Our bodies react to what our minds are thinking: feeling good is just another manifestation of a fleeting, fickle emotion.  Thus, chasing feeling good instead of being present in a moment is a way to avoid the truth, the present, the here and now.  Often times, we crave this feeling good so much that we are addicted to it.  Addition, says the Buddha, is neuronal gossip, the brain's reminders of what it's seen, felt, and known in the past.  Just because your neurons are accustomed to something, doesn't make the addition any less poignant.  

Then I started to think about what was so wrong in wanting to feel good all the time.  The conclusion I came to relates to the now-common phenomenon of not feeling good enough when compared to others, usually spawned by life lived via social media.  Thus, though there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel good all the time (that's natural, normal, and a wonderful state of being), the issues arise when we don't feel good.  What then?  Are we still okay?  Are we less of a person?  Are we losers?  It's okay to not feel good all the time.  It's okay to feel lackadaisical, bored, uninspired, stuck in a rut.  It doesn't make us any less of a person: it makes us more human, in fact.  

3.  Attachment

Attachment is an off-shoot of Aversion.  We tend to become and stay attached to all the things that make us feel good.  We fear losing our sense of self, and so we clutch onto the things that make us feel secure in what we already know.  The Buddha invites us to let go of these things: to allow the unknown to become a part of our everyday life and accept that we'll still be who we intrinsically are, even if we do let go of feeling good, feeling grounded, feeling secure.  

And there you have it: The Joy of Living at long last.  I hope you're all enjoying summer, whatever it means to you.  I'm having the time of my life without the stresses of everyday working life.  Perhaps there's merit after all to working part time ;)