Koreans are masters at the art of embarrassment. Which is entirely odd, considering they get so undesirably embarrassed when confronted with the necessity of speaking English to a foreigner (not to mention how shy women get when in the presence of a man they fancy).
The other day, two students and their mothers were ushered into the office I share with 13 other teachers. Apparently (and note that this story is wrought with assumption, since I'm not entirely sure that anyone tells me whole truths when they translate from Korean) the two girls had been absent so much from school that they were being "asked to leave". If this is akin to expulsion, I would be stunned, since it seems as though bad behaviour, though frowned upon, is generally overlooked after the intense humiliation the girls must suffer. It may be that they were suspended or even asked to leave for the day (the proverbial slap on the wrist, since they were not actually beaten today in the presence of a family member).
The families got to the office at around 12. They left just shortly before 3 pm. What, pray tell, were they doing there for nearly THREE HOURS? My take? They were being humiliated.
Yes folks, this is my observation of one of the oddest customs I have seen so far in Korea. It is the art of embarrassment, or worse, the art of humiliation. It is that uncanny attempt to make someone feel as though they are lower than ground zero, worse than the worst, more despicable than anything anyone can imagine. This is the art of eliciting shame. It is the cunning game more parents have played with their children than any other for centuries: the one called, "I'm so disappointed in you." Stab me with your steely knife. Twist. Repeat.
The girls went from an attitude of quiet indignation to sadness, then to eventual grief. They cried as their heads drooped lower and lower and lower. I suppose three hours could do that to anyone. So could, my friends, intense shame. The mothers reacted in the same way though. They too were almost forced to sit there, waiting for...hmmm..what were they waiting for?
A teacher talked to them for some time, seemingly to explain the situation, so they weren't waiting for him. The manager came back from his class and talked to them as well. They weren't waiting for them. Perhaps they were waiting for some sort of reaction from their daughters. They could have waited until Armageddon for that. Korean school children basically stand, dazed, when people scold them. They very rarely meet the yeller's gaze, don't really move, and hardly ever speak. Maybe this is a cultural difference with which I just can't empathize. Maybe it's just the kids at my school. I'm not sure. Maybe the mothers and their daughters were waiting for Godot.
Then they sat. Just the four of them, their heads bowing further and further as the minutes ticked on. Maybe they simply lost track of time. The clock was behind them, after all. Maybe when you are so embarrassed, you forget time and place and think only of how you could have raised such an insolent child. But I highly doubt it.
My theory? I truly do believe that the mothers were serving penance as well. I'm not sure why the school or the teachers, the institution or the profession have such a profound effect on grown adults, but I think this is what I saw. I can't explain it, can't understand it, but there it was: humiliation.
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