My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean

My father used to know this woman (let's keep this vague). When they first met, I was 11 and we got along like oil and water. She was a little less than pleased with my manners, and corrected three very, very important things. You better believe that at the time, I fought her tooth and nail, because I was sure I was a good-mannered child. After all, my mother had already taught me the fail-safe rule that would prove that I was polite: never call somebody's house before 8 am or after 9 pm. I still adhere to this policy and only in extreme cases will call at 9:30 at night. There's just something about the jangling of a phone when you are winding down for the night that makes sleep thereafter a little less than peaceful. I digress.

I learned three things from this woman that I will never forget. As I spend time in this alternate universe...oops..I mean alternate CULTURE, I have found that these are classics and will serve me until I can teach My Little Ones to do the same. Speaking of which, here's a picture of us kids that Nathan found and posted. Many thanks, Friend.

So thank you, Woman, for this...

Lesson #1: May I speak with Soandso? When someone other than who you called answers the phone, it's impolite to simply ask if Soandso is home. Who cares if they are home. I learned to say hello, introduce myself, then ask if i may speak with Soandso. Not "can I"...no one doubts the ability to speak: you're on the phone afterall. The question is rooted in requesting permission.

Lesson #2: Pass the salt and pepper together. While seated at a table (any table), if you are asked for the salt or the pepper, pass the two of them together. They come as a set. And you never know...they might want both once they have them. This avoids the unnecessary, "Oh, now can you pass the other one?" awkward question.

Lesson #3: Buy quality.

This goes for beauty products, shoes, clothes, books, and dinner parties. You have to ensure you can afford the good stuff. Bar soap, cheap flip flops, paperback novels, and plastic serving trays (or anything else you can obtain at the local drugstore, for that matter) just won't cut it.

• Clinique works. In fact, it's the best (for Yours Truly). Why settle? I won't anymore: I've learned this lesson.
  
• Shoes go on your feet. Why buy cheap ones and get blisters? Do you know what these feet do? They carry me everywhere. I refuse to buy bad shoes.
  
• When doing the weekend crossword puzzle, you will always make mistakes. Do it in pencil, accept that you can erase previously-recorded answers, and feel free to use a good dictionary to help you out. If you have a low-quality dictionary, good luck: you won't finish.
  
• Make sure you have a serving dish for every single foodstuff you serve at your dinner party. No, you can't serve it in a plastic bowl. If you don't have the dish, don't make the food. Simpler is better anyway.

Be frugal, spend wisely (I've added to this rule with those two caveats), buy quality (but that's all her!).